Cat stories at the magical dumpster – chapter 1
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House cats at the Magical Dumpster
The Magical Dumpster is a place where the souls of house cats gather at nighttime, while they sleep. Such a peculiar place it is! First, because the souls of ordinary street cats can never get to that place. Second, because it is not cats that are considered pets there, but the people they keep while not asleep.
Why, you ask? Well, to have some company, probably… For the cats don’t see themselves as animals.
No house cat can get to the Magical Dumpster while awake. But during sleep, the feline souls, starved for real, genuine companionship, eagerly go to that blessed corner of the universe, lost somewhere in-between worlds.
If you think the feline souls simply lounge about at the Magical Dumpster, you are sorely mistaken!
How to properly train the house cat owners
The souls of sleeping cats have not a second to rest, for they have to constantly contend with pressing issues of keeping their owners.
What manners should the cat owners be taught? Should a person be weaned off the toilet if he sits there too long and doesn’t respond to the “Meow” command?
It is important for any house cat to know how to punish the owner for misbehaving: scratch her leg, knock over the floor lamp or make a mess in the corner? Maybe even all three?
After all, you can’t have too much of a good thing… Too bad the good old peeing into a slipper option has gone out of fashion.
Oh, the feline fashion! There were times when peeinginto a slipper was the most efficient way to control cat owners. Now, our sense of dignity doesn’t let us do that. We aren’t animals, after all. We are cats!
Despite that, any house cat knows the owners must be kept in line. The less freedom—the better! It is known that people don’t have brains of their own.
So, if cats don’t make the decisions for them, it’ll be bad for everyone: the civilization will collapse and the feline family will be the only family left on Earth.
Not so bad, as far as apocalypses go. But who is going to feed us, cats?
The cats are the progenitors of life on the planet, it is not out lot to serve ourselves!
We have better things to do—we can, for instance, communicate with cats from other planets, negotiate a peace treaty with ghosts, drink milk with the spirits of our ancestors, discuss rules of house travel with boggarts, or simply thoroughly lick our privates.
Why are you cringing? Cats are supposed to do that, you know. It’s not like you’re going to do it for us, are you? No? That’s what I thought.
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