Cat stories at the magical dumpster – chapter 7
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The hallowed secrets of proper feline nutrition
The house cats at the Magical Dumpster love to reveal the “secrets of proper feline nutrition”. Like conspirators, they whisper in the corners about healthy, that is to say unlimited food intake. But it’s clear to every normal cat that once access to food is restricted, it stops being healthy.
But if it’s clear to all the house cats that a healthy diet involves unlimited food, then why are they only whispering about it in the corners of the Dumpster instead of screaming it at the top of their feline lungs? Well, it’s a secret, isn’t it! And you don’t simply shout out secrets.
The truth of the matter is that the more food a cat’s stomach holds, the healthier it is. However, it’s easy for us to talk about it. But to prove it, many scientist cats have risked their stomachs, getting them stuffed to the brim with canned cat food and premium dry cat foods.
It can’t be helped, science demands feline sacrifice. It’s not like humans are going to make it! But now we can lovingly and gratefully use the great knowledge that a healthy stomach should be stuffed to the brim, to the point it becomes hard to breathe.
If you can breathe easily after eating, it means you are ill, and you must be isolated from society at once, so you don’t spoil the statistics!
Today – constipation, tomorrow – diarrhea…
Even though the residents of the Magical Dumpster have the cat secrets of proper feline nutrition memorized to a T, they love to act out scenes of amazement:
“What? The more a house cat eats, the healthier it is?”
“Of course, buddy! Shame on you, a house cat with three years of dumpster life experience, for not knowing such basic things. Aren’t you a particularly talented cat?”
“As a matter of fact, I am a particularly talented cat. My owner always says ‘You, Georgy, are a particularly talented cat.’ But I have a question: should people also eat a lot, like cats?”
“No, it’s the opposite with humans: the less they eat, the better. Humans have a stupid digestive system: today they have constipation, tomorrow – diarrhea… yuck!”
” ‘Yuck,’ isn’t it the truth,” nodded a nearby gray cat. “But what do you expect from the creatures who cannot distinguish between a yesterday’s sausage and a sausage from the day before that? Alas, cat owners deserve nothing but pity…”
