Cat stories at the magical dumpster – chapter 9
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Now there’s no one to bury
The owner of the feline funeral home racked his brain for some time, going over his one and a half option. Then, having reached no decision, he waved his paw:
“I’ll just leave it there. After all, it’s not like I need to feed it.”
“Please feed me,” begged the corpse.
“I see. So I do have to feed it,” said the owner cat with a sorrowful expression. “So, I’ll have to bury it after all… Well, why don’t I just put him into the ground?” a comforting thought came to mind.
But it is customary to bury the talent, and the cat lying in front of him had none. He managed to die even at the Magical Dumpster, where there is no death!
“All right, bury me,” said the dead cat. “Just feed me first.”
“Silly cat, if I feed you, what’s the point of getting rid of you afterwards? You get rid of cats before you eat, not after. But I’ll still give you a chance. How much canned cat food do you eat in one sitting?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, is your stomach big?”
“It is big,” sighed the dead cat.
“Well then, I’m sorry…”
Suddenly the “corpse” was gone. Nothing supernatural, just the usual thing: the dead cat was lying on a beer crate, and then dissolved into thin air.
“Woke up,” realized the owner of the feline funeral home. “Too bad there’s no one left to bury. So that’s how it feels to be lonely…”
No matter what kind of cat you are – living or dead
They say that after that time, the owner of the feline funeral home went crazy and would only invite smart cats to visit. And he would shun beautiful cats, in a rude and categorical manner!
Well, they cried at first, as they usually do, about their unfulfilled maidens’ dreams, and then calmed down. No matter what kind of cat you are—living or dead—you can’t force love.
Play mats for cats
The mature cats, mothers to many kittens, that loiter idly in the expanses of the Magical Dumpster, love to tell anyone willing or unwilling to listen (more often than not they are unwilling, it has to be said) on what mats cats should give birth: the expensive ones or the cheap ones.
“What silly cats,” you might say. But try giving birth yourself on a low-quality, cheap mat! Then you will surely demand an expensive mat for yourself, just as your cat does! Oh you will demand it, but will anyone give it to you? You see, one doesn’t skimp on house cats, but one does skimp on house humans…
Any normal cat knows that there is a myriad of very high quality cat mats at the Magical Dumpster. Go ahead and give birth to hundreds of kittens a day! Oh, you want to give birth to a thousand? Go ahead, no one’s stopping you. The right to give birth is the basic right of any healthy cat in a democracy.
But that’s the thing: you can’t give birth in your sleep. It doesn’t matter if you’re a purebred cat or not. You start giving birth, and then you wake up. What a shame!
However, it is true that cats give birth to imaginary kittens even in their sleep. But they muster the courage to do it very rarely, because the imaginary kittens come out unfinished, in a way.
For example, an imaginary kitten might be born with thirty eyes, and then you have to sit down and squeeze out twenty-eight extra eyes like a fool…
When I fall asleep, I want to give birth. When I wake up, I don’t.
Alas, in the normal, real life there are no such wonderful mats that the house cats dream about. Even if your owner is very kind!
Imagine the horror of your favorite cat’s situation: when she falls asleep she wants to give birth, but when she wakes up she doesn’t want to… When she falls asleep she wants to… But when she wakes up and… nothing… And so it goes on.
“Make up your mind, woman!” yells a veterinarian at a pregnant Siberian cat that is sluggishly and weakly wiggling her tail while lying on the operating table.
